I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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