Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
