can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
