Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
