thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
