but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The beer is more important than you right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
