U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
