i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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