Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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