I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
