He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
