I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
