OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
