i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
