so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
