I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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