I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
