wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
