Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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