Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
