Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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