Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
