my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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