I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
