i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
