Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
