Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
