I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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