reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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