I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
