I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
