from now on my penis is your penis
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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