3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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