your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
