No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
