My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
