i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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