I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
try to milk me bitch
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