dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
