now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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