Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
