I heard we made out
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
