I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
