Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
