Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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