i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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