At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
