turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
