We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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