I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
