i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
