I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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